my mouth tastes like poor choices
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
