Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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