can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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