hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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