Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
