worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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