its not stalking. its research.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
