how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You need a sexual gate keeper
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
