When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Life is so much better after having sex.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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