also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
