but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
