he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
