it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i came on her dog
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
