Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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