i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
