Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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