i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
