So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
