dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
