Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
