At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize