ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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