You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
