In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize