whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
