if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
