Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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