I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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