So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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