can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
