wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
