I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
