I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
