so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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