Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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