Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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