he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
