Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
