You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
