I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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