How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
