I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
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