he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
