Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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