I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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