Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
