Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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