Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
