So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
