oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize