Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
They are going to name an STD after you.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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