Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
