Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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