He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
