sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
