I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
