As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
