Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
