I want to have your abortion
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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