EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
