Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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