I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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