I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
