Kiss
Puke
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
