She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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