so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
