Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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