rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize