she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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