Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize