How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
my being single is dangerous.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
