Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
