When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
