One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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