just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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