Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
