In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
