Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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