You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
