News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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