I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
His hands were made for my vagina.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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