Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You can't motorboat a personality
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
