just come out here and I will go home with you...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
