Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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