I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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