i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
