3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
