dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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