Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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